Mirror Imaged

Hello, sunshines! I hope you’re all doing well out there in each of your corners of the world. I’ve noticed how dispersed all the bloggers I follow are! Any bloggers in southern Ontario here in Canada? Just wondering :)

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I’ve been wanting to blog more often. Seriously, I’ll start writing a post and I’ll feel like I’m either just bitching about ED or writing about my noneventful life. Trust me, if more exciting things happened to me, I’d be on here all. the. time!

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ED-wise, I’ve gotta say I’ve been doing better than usual. It’s always up and down with me. Literally, even within the span of a day. But recently I’ve been okay. I’ve been having some troubles keeping up my calories, though. I’ve developed this weird habit of keeping my calories, fats, etc below a certain number before dinner, having my moderate dinner, then freaking out because I have xxxx calories (yes, FOUR DIGITS, sometimes) left to eat before whatever time. Then feeling bloated and full and f**. I know this could be solved by simply planning my meals out better, but the other side of me feels like this is conceding to ED again, because I like the feeling of eating WHAT I feel like at that given moment. “Um, if you can`t handle that yet, don`t do it!” Oh, Izzy, you spaz…

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So since it’s the end of the week, it was grocery shopping time. Basically, the cherry on my Friday and/or Saturday :) Not sure what’s up, but there were SO many amazing deals out there. Some delicious deals… ;D

[[ Larabar pack of 12 for $10.99!!! This was no doubt the best buy of my day!!! Key Lime Pie, Apple and Peanut Butter. I could've sworn it used to be called Peanut Butter Cookie...but this was SO SO SO good you guys! Better than I remember!!! ]]

[[ A box of 12 Clif Bars for $9.99!!! Toffee Nut Buzz and Carrot Cake : ) ]]

[[ 5/$5 Luna Bars! Where's the other one you ask?... ]]

[[ It didn't make the car ride home : ( ]]

[[ Naked Berry Blast Smoothie! Not sure why it was 50% off...it tasted fine 0_o]]

I’m sure you all have a special place you keep your bar stash…mine is in one of my drawers. Unfortunately, it kinda looks a mess atm…

[[ O, haii thurr4eyez ]]

Couldn’t help myself ; )

Yesssssir. My life is quite possibly complete. For any Canucks out there, check out your local Real Canadian Superstore. I’m preeeetty sure they’re about as awesome at Trader Joe’s down south (speaking of which, I’m totally planning on roadtripping it down to Buffallo/Rochester in hopes of getting me some Jocalats, Oikos and TJ’s Pumpkin Butter!!! Why are we lacking these wonders in the Great White North?? ).

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The weekends have also become my baking days because energy is cheaper, and we only have our huge convection oven that drains a lot of power :S So I decided to try making Kath’s Baked Oatmeal Snack Bars.

[[ Sincere apologies for the awful photo...it does NOT do it credit!!! ]]

I followed the recipe pretty closely with some minor changes:

• Instead of 3/4 cup dried fruit I used 1/3 cup raisins and 45 g dried cherries
• Instead of skim milk I used soy milk
• Skipped the kosher salt all together
• I added a bit more cinnamon
• I also added 1 tsp brown sugar
• I only had an 8×8 baking dish so I used that

I wanted to make these so my mother, who’s trying to lose weight, pre-diabetic and has high blood pressure, could enjoy them as well. They turned out REALLY well! The rents actually liked them! They smelled beyond amazing coming out of the oven. They were quite moist inside, almost like coffee cake rather than bars, even after leaving them in longer than the 40 minutes. Also, they really weren’t sweet at all, which suited my fam’s tastes, but if you have a sweet tooth, do as the brilliant Kath says and add about 1/4 cup brown sugar. (Honestly, I effing love Kath’s recipes. Definately stalk her blog, it’s AMAZING!)

Because they were pretty low-cal, I topped mine with about 2 tbsp of peanut butter :D

[[ With a side of Tazo Zen, green and mint, tea ]]

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Here are a few more randomly delightful eats I enjoyed since I last blogged:

[[ Carrot cake oats! Same recipe as last posted ]]

[[ A tin of tuna with hummus served over spinach, carrots and celery. Topped with bean sprouts ]]

[[ Liberte Mediterranee yoghurt mess with grapes, berries and an oatmeal raisin cookie with Twinnings Earl Grey Tea ]]

[[ One of Tina's 3 Minute Cookies, with vanilla hemp protein powder (hense the green colour). Topped with PB&Co DCD : ) ]]

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Yikes. I have one more week of assignments and presentations, then it’s S P R I N G B R E A K!!! (aka, reading week :P). It’s pretty dumb, ‘cause I’m preeeetty sure we JUST got back from winter vaycay 0_o. Ah, whatever, I’m not disputing it. I’m going away for a few days during break with friends, which fills me with feelings of excitement, of course, but also fear and worry and anxiety. Based on how I’m feeling right now, though, I’ll be DAMNED if I let ED spoil my fun time away with friends!!!

Mucho love, beautiful people

[[ izzyy xoxoxxx ]]

PS. Extra hugs and love to the lovely Devan. Sending all good vibes your way, hun!

PPS. Check out this beyond amazing PB giveaway by the lovely Gabriela!

http://www.katheats.com/?page_id=4681

I Just Wanna Live It Out!

Hello, hello, HELLO! First off, I wanna thank y’all for your lovely comments. Everytime I get that email telling me someone commented, my heart jumps and I get excited (like a complete dork, haha). They really mean a lot and having people who can relate some of my struggles is so comforting.

Also, this is my 50th post!!! Omgosh! I reeeally wanna do a giveaway sometime SOON! Maybe 75th Post? 100th? I’ll amp my posting to get there sooner! :)

I’ve been having a few up and down days the past few days. I upped my calories back up so I’m good on that level, but yesterday, my friend decided we should head out of the city during spring break with some friends. Tiny nerves courtesy of Ed, but I ignore it. Then she tells me theres a good chance we could get a room with a JACUZZI or something similar and my very FIRST thought that comes to mind is restrict. Gotta get your swimsuit body back. You see, I’ve been discovering some dimples of my posterior (…whatever, ASS), which certainly didn’t help the ED voice, but I’ve managed to ignore it since it’s winter. But WHAT am I gonna do when it’s summer??? I have no clue.

Honestly, sometimes I just feel like I’m building towards nothing. Like, sure, I’ll get to a healthy weight. And maybe all the damage I did to my body will be reversed. But what about the mental part of it? Will I ever be able to go through a day without logging calories? Or subconsciously tallying up calories in my head? I don’t even know how to eat anymore. Sometimes I’ll not even feel hungry, see that it’s been xx hours since my last meal, and force myself to feel hungry and other times I’m ravenous, despite just eating, but I won’t allow myself to eat (or rather, Ed won’t let me) because it hasn’t been enough many hours.

What a mess, what a mess. I really wanna see if I can get myself a therapist or something to work out those inner ED issues. I don’t even know how to go about it. I’m “estranged” for my GP (the one who simply “told me to eat a cheeseburger” back in the scary ED days) and I can’t go to my rents. Can I just…go? Myself? Sign up and do it? Is it expensive? Please lemme know!

I always try to get the dry, dark ED stuff done with in the first half of my post, because I’d hate to end on a sour note :)

In other news, I finally tried Carrot Cake Oats. Before I get into it, there’s no picture of it for the dumbest reason! Basically, I got the oats outta the pot and into the bowl, and they just looked and smelled so SO SO SO magical, so I bolt to the living room to grab my camera – which to my dismay ISN’T THERE! Of course, it ended up being in my room, but since y’all know I love my food piping hot, PLUSS I just couldn’t resist it, so I just ate ‘em :) Kinda wish I had taken the pic because the lighting and everything was just perfect. Anyways, if you’re interested, here’s the “recipe” I used:

(loosely borrowed from the lovely Eliza & Maya, who’s carrot cake oats always look too yummy ;P)

Carrot Cake Oats Du Jour

• 1/3 cup oats
• 1/2 cup milk (Irrestisables Soy Milk)
• 1/2 tsp cinnamon
• 1/4 tsp nutmeg
• 1/4 tsp ginger
• 1/2 tsp brown sugar
• Lots of self-slivered almonds
• Some raisins
• About 50 g grated carrot (turned out to be one carrot) (also, I “grated” it in my Magic Bullet ;P)

Next time, I’m for SURE taking a picture! It looks as good as it tastes! I love it because it’s this great combination of sweet, like dessert, spicy, from the ginger and nutmeg, and savoury from the carrot and almonds and stuff. I can’t even imagine making this in the microwave so I guess I’ll be forced to keep it in my weekend breakfast rotation. I really wanna try them with a cream cheese “frosting” next time :D

And as per usual, here are some of my redundant, but still delicious, eats!

[[ Kashi GLC with Liberte Vanilla Yoghurt, and added raisins, almonds, walnuts and cashews ]]

[[ Spaghetti Squash Success! It's at the bottom of this bowl of grilled Tofu, Carrots, Celery, Green Pepper, Onion with garlic powder, chili powder, ginger and basil ]]

One slightly different thing I successfully tried this past was baking delicious COOKIES! Oatmeal Raisin Cookies, if we’re being technical…

(Not to toot my own horn, but seriously, how did my half-broken, point and shoot taken this delicious looking picture???!)

Oh, these guys were SO good. And chewy. And just the right size. And even though I’m trying to branch out and eat more “fear foods”, they actually weren’t the worst nutrition-wise. I’m working on putting up the recipe on my Recipes page!

I’m so happy I managed to shift around my work/school schedule so now I’m only out Monday to Thursday! In other words – TGIT! (Thank God It’s Thursday) Unfortunately, I had to switch my job shift with one of the managers because I had a speech to give at school the next day and I couldn’t make my last shift. Ugh, don’t you hate those people who make everything seem like they’re doing you a favour? I can’t stand her. Whatever. Mo money in the bank, I guess.

Off to work! (We just got a microwave, so I’m really excited ‘cause I can make oatmeal at work now! It’s freezing in that office!!)

[[ izzyy xoxooxx ]]

PS. I just found out J.D. Salinger died today – author of The Catcher in the Rye. I’m sure many of you had to read that book in high school. One of my faves.

.::.RIP.::.

PPS. Check out this awesome giveaway by the lovely Gina, aka The Candid RD!

Ecstatically Calm

Hello beautiful people! I hope you’re all doing amazing out there in cyberspace. I feel bad for not posting in a while. When I started this blog, I posted everyday without missing a beat. Now I have days where I just can’t seem to compose a proper thought and I just…blah. Haha. Anyways, I don’t comment much but I read all your blogs every. single. day. I really, truly do. Especially at work. It makes me happy :)

Anywho, I’ve been doing not too badly ED-wise the past few days (a week since I posted? Oh, migosh :S). I’m very very excited to report I got a visit from a dreaded aunt a few days ago…one who I have garnered a whole new respect and affinity for.

:)

I’ve gotten spotting for the past few months, but it would be VERY light and go away after a day or two. This time, it stayed the full three (actually, four-ish?) days it takes to “qualify” as a full…well…period! As OVERJOYED as this made me, I couldn’t help but feel kind of triggered. If you’re menstruating, that must mean you’re healthy again. You’re done gaining. In fact, you could stand to lose a few – AGH! Of course, any little step I take in the right direction is followed by the dreaded voice of ED in my ear. I’ve been trying to ignore him as much as possible, but have addmitadly been slacking a BIT on my calories. I think it’s this darned water retention. I haven’t had an accurate reading of my weight (which has appeared to be maintaining, atm) cuz of Aunt Flo, but this Saturday is my weigh in so we’ll see :S

I KNOW perfectly well that I’m not at an “ideal” weight yet. Eff, I’m barely at a bmi of 18. Stupid mixed messages.

Anyways, I’m not concerned. Because the numbers on the scale aren’t as triggering to me anymore. And I’m able to go out with friends without nearly as much anxiety. Even stay the night and not restrict all night long. This makes me so happy. And I intend on getting my cals up. Oh, yes. I’ll be making cinnamon rolls tonight :)

Anyways, today was my first day off in…oh, gosh. A while. I’m in school and working from Monday-Friday this semester (yuck), which means I’m out the door by 7 something. So this morning, with nothing more than groceries on the agenda, I finally made a big bowl of stove top oats!

Seriously, the microwave just cannot compare.

[[ Quaker Old Fashioned Oats ;; Soya Milk ;; Raisins ;; Walnuts ;; Pecans ;; Pumpkin ;; Pumpkin Pie Spice + Cinnamon ]]

And a cup of earl grey in my Stahbuxx mug :)

Tomorrow I’ll be trying Carrot Cake Oats for the first time after seeing it on some lovely blogs. I’m so excited! I’ve never had real carrot cake but used to like carrot muffins and I love the carrot cake Clif Bar :)

Here’s some more of my eats from over the past few days:

[[ Kashi GLC ;; Strawberry Yoghurt ;; Almonds ;; Blueberries ;; Cinnamon ]]

[[ Bean & Fromage Burrito!!! ]]

So, as you can see, I finally tried Oats in a Jar!!! With my leftover Peanut Butter & Co White Chocolate Wonderful (RIP). It was deeelightful…with one minor sinch…

I nuked it IN the jar…and hense, warped the jar. :S Delicious fail :P

I’ve gotten pretty repetitive with MOST of my eats, I’m sure. But I’m usually too too lazy or tired to try new things, and have to bother with logging them into Calorie Count. I don’t know. I bought a vegetable broth that doesn’t scare me sodium-wise. OH and today, I bought hemp protein powder, which should help my protein intake as I don’t really eat the meats and most of my food is fat and carbs atm. No greek yoghurt here in CahNahDah :(

There was another little doozy I found just a few days ago…

(Photo courtesy of Google Images)

I DONT KNOW HOW THIS SUCKER SNUCK ACCROSS THE BOARDER BUT I SAW HIM AND CLUTCHED ONTO HIM LIKE LIFE. Honestly, I knew I wouldn’t dig the orange-mocha-y flavour and truthfully, I didn’t like it. But I still wanna try the others! I remember back in the day, I tried the hazelnut Jocalat bar and it was yum. (I also remember that it took me like, 3 days, because it was back when I was starting to recover but really, I was eating like, 1000 calories. Ugh. Never again.)

Another little guy I found today was a SPAGHETTI SQUASH! I’m so excited to make this for dinner tomorrow! With my homemade tomato sauce (which will no doubt be legendary in like, 5 generations ;P).

Anyhow, this has been a terribly unstructured post so I’ll wrap it up. Hope you all have an amazing weekend and that you’re all doing great :)

[[ izzyyxoxo ]]

The One With the Award and the Eats

Hello loves! I hope your new year is off to a good start and that you all survived the holidays. Are you all covered in snow like we are over here? (Yes, I know I live in Canada…but it’s funny – every year it seems to take the city by surprise and they’re so slow to get the snow plows and salters out on the streets. It’s like hello, this is Canada!). To be honest, I really hate the snow. I have for a long, long, LONG time. I think it has to do with having to get up every morning extra early to shovel the driveway before school (as the rents were already gone to work), then feeling bad for the old people across the street and doing THEIRS…all before 7am. It’s just stuck in my head – I hate the snow and cold.

I wish I would have written earlier, but to be honest, I haven’t been taking many pictures of my food recently. Either the camera is too far for me to get or it’s just not pretty enough and “not worthy” of food blogging. You all take the most lovely pictures of your creative eats, which make me salivate (quite literally), and mine tend to be more monotonous – on the go, “SSDD” type deal. Why’s that stopped me from blogging? I really don’t know. Lame excuse :P

First, before I forget, I’ve been bestowed with this lovely award by two equally lovely bloggers! Thanks Tra and Rachel!! I love these things so much!!!

List 10 things that make you happy and tag 10 people.

1. The perfect bowl of oats on a lazy day – you know when your oats come out to the perfect consistency and the flavours are just right? I love the days when I know I don’t have anything serious to do and I can just sit in bed till whenever, surf my blogs and eat my oats as slowly as I like and savour each flavour. (This doesn’t happen often!)

2. Hot, delicious Starbucks after skating – going outdoors skating with good friends on a cold day, almost dying, and rushing to Starbucks for yummy drinks and good conversation.

3. The smell of Spring – you know that smell just after an April shower? Yeah, that.

4. Being done school/work really early in the day – I love finishing class before noon and just having the rest of the day to do whatever.

5. Baking – ANYTHING! I love the satisfaction afterwards and the smell coming out of the kitchen when whatever’s going on in there is just done.

6. Dancing – it’s so freeing, isn’t it? I’m not very good but after a few drinks, who is?!

7. Shopping – I’m appalled at how low on my list this is. Scandal. Wth.

8. James Franco – ‘Nuff said?

9. Perfect, sunny, cloudless days – I don’t care what or how I’m feeling. It will put  me in a better mood.

10. Yoghurt Mess – probably cause I just finished eating one. Simply the best. Next to oats.

[[ Since I'm a bum and you've all likely done this already, I all you who have yet to do this. GO. NOW! ]]

So today was a freezing cold day in the Great White North. But for the first time in a week, and for the last time die to school starting (MONDAY!), I had a beautiful big bowl of oats. I woke up early as usual (6ish), made a pot, ended up falling asleep again till 11AM!!! I hate sleeping in. It makes me feel like I’ve pissed away my day. Here’s the remainder of my oats, aka Breakfast le Deux:

[[ Bob's Red Mill Steel Cut Oats ;; Frozen Raspberries ;; Raisins ;; Walnuts ;; Cinnamon ]]

Didn’t have anything on the agenda for today so the fam and I went out to do groceries! I love grocery shopping! (Nerd, much?) Picked up some goodies from all over…I got my first ever SPAGHETTI SQUASH and I’m really excited to try it! Picked up some more basics…wraps, egg whites, tzaziki, Jordan’s…also found this guy:

I kinda laughed when I saw it. $0.94 a carton – we bought two. I’ll try it with my oats tomorrow!

I was totally starving after we picked up Stahhhbucks so we headed home (as I forgot my Clif Bars) and I put this together:

[[ Starbucks Skinny Carmel Latte ;; WW Wrap with Yves Veggie Turkey, Tuna, Hummus ;; Baby Carrots ]]

The rest of my day thus far has been spent chatting on the phone with one of the friends I’m meeting up with tomorrow, playing SimCity 3000 (why does my city keep being attacked by UFO’s????????????) and reading Push, the book that inspired the Movie Precious. I’ve been DYING to see the movie but bought the book instead. If you haven’t had a chance to read it, GO BUY NOW. It’s disturbing, but so good. It’s a short read, and I couldn’t put it down.

A few small snacks later, dinnahtime came along.  I was going to try spaghetti squash today btu I’ll save that for Monday, perhaps? This happened instead:

[[ (Ugh, flourescent lighting) Tofu ;; Leftover Sweet Tater ;; Celery ;; Carrots ;; Green Pepper ;; w/ Mr. Spice Ginger Stirfry, Garlic Powder, Basil and Cashews ]]

While doing the dishes after I had this kind of epiphany – I wonder how many hours, nee, days, I have spent worrying about food. It seems all my plans seem to revolve around food, rather than the opposite. What the hell kind of life is that? I feel like I’m almost constantly thinking about food and what do I have to show for it? Grey, bruised skin? Thinning hair? Bones? Eff that. And when someone passes me on the street, or even a friend of mine sees me, they don’t know that effort that goes into my meals or the time spent worrying about saturated fats or sodium. They see the ugly consequences. I don’t know if I’ll ever fully recover from this. I just know I don’t want to spend the rest of my life planning it around food. Everyone’s here for a reason and that is NOT the reason I’m here!

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The lyrics are beautiful.

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I feel like I’ve started to ramble, so I’ll wrap it here. I’m watching Bridget Jones’s Diary in the background right now. I love this movie.

Renee looked better here than she ever has since, don’t you think?

[[ izzyy xoxoxoxxx ]]

Ho Ho-Humm

Hey babes! Sorry I hadn’t written earlier. To be honest, the past few days have been a bit of a struggle. The holidays in general were pretty depressing. I hate that I dread the holidays these days. Not only the food issue, just the whole home atmosphere just isn’t there. At all. It’s pretty lame actually. Yes, I know I could move out any time, but then what would I pay rent with? This city’s hella expensive to live it :S

So I was panicking about Christmas Eve dinner like crazy (my ‘rents are both from Europe, where Christmas Eve dinner is just as big a deal, traditionally, as Christmas dinner). On the menu was salmon and other sides. I forewarned the rents that I wouldn’t be have this or this or this or that. They agreed to this. So all I got on my plate was a serving of salmon – baked, no oils, etc. I don’t have issues with using extra virgin olive oil any more, in moderation, but not when the bottle is in someone else’s hands. I had to eyeball the amount since I didn’t wanna whip out the scale in front of them. I know I overestimated. Then I started to load my plate with salad (dressing free) until I noticed canned peas and pickle. I irrationally snapped at my mother and started wiping down the two leaves of lettuce like a psycho. I can’t believe, in retrospect that I acted like that. Where’s all the progress I’ve made? I feel sick thinking about that night. What bothered me even more was the lack of reaction from them. My dad made a comment about how little I had eaten, but said nothing more. Just, “So you barely ate anything tonight…”. Done. Post dinner used to entail opening of presents (again, I guess it’s a Euro thing?). There were no presents this year, expect for the small parcel my aunt had sent us from Europe, which nobody had bothered wrap up like we had in the past. Whatever. Christmas Day was nearly the same, food-wise. But apart from the dinner, I still managed to (almost) make my calories – with the help of several Clif Bars.

Sorry about the downer of a post. I’d really just rather be honest than put of a facade and pretend that everything is just fine when, to be honest, it isn’t. To be honest, I’ve been kinda slacking on my calories the past few days. No less that maintaining, but slacking nonetheless. I think the freak out about the holidays combined with seeing my body changing PLUS being so sedentary this week due to both my works being closed and school being out PLUS wanting to look “good” for the events I have lined up in the next few days. Skin and bones don’t look good, though. Neither does gray skin and thinning hair and seeing everything in vertigo. I have no clue right now.

When I have managed to eat decent meals, here’s what I have been eating:

[[ Good Ol' Fashioned Yoghurt Mess - Kashi GLC;; Grapes ;; Vanilla yoghurt ;; Graham Crackers ]]

[[ Oat Mess - Old Fashioned Oats with raspberries ;; Walnuts ;; Raisins ;; crumbled Nutri-Grain bar ]]

[[ Oatmeal pancake (recipe stolen/modified from KERF), topped with mashed nanner and Kraft All-Natural PB ]]

[[ Stonemill Bakehouse toast with PB & Co WCW, (expired) William-Sonoma Pumpkin Butter and nanner ]]

On the upside, I get to go back to my good job on Monday! Good job being the job I sit, surf on my laptop, occasionally shred something, and socialize the rest of the time. Satruday is my friend’s party that I still need to come up with something to wear and Tuesday is a get together with two of my friends who I haven’t seen since school ended. Not to mention New Years Eve – which is tomorrow. And for which I’m not doing anything special, apart from some outlet shopping (retail therapy? Probably ;P).

Heres to hoping your Christmases/Holidays went over without a kink and here wishing all you beauties a Happy, amazing, Healthy New Year!

[[ izzy xoxoxx ]]

Jingle Bells, Batman Smells…

Hey, gorgeous! Just a quickie post to wish you all a very healthy, happy holiday and for those celebrating – a Merry Christmas! It can be a tough time of year for us all but it doesn’t have to be! Just enjoy yourselves and know that there’s always someone out there rooting for you to suceed!

I’ll be back in a day or two with a new post.

Till then, enjoy a Christmas cookie, on me ; )

Much, much, much love coming your way,

[[ izzyy xoxoxx ]]

Mislead

(Sorry guys, I posted this yesterday morning but APPARENTLY WordPress was being an assface! WTH! Just imagine me writing this on a Saturday ;P)

I – AM – DONE!

Hello beauts! I’m in quite the mood at this moment because I am TOTALLY DONE THE FIRST SEMESTER OF MY SECOND YEAR! As my friend pointed out last night, I am 3/8 through my University experience. Exciting! I’m even more excited to have evenings like the one I’m having tonight – total veg-out nights where I do nothing but cruise the net, watch Family Guy and the Simpsons re-runs and sipping on hot chocolate underneath my fuzzy blanket. No assignments or tests for another 4 or so weeks :D

Now the downer – ED’s been making it’s presence known YET AGAIN. Bah. Last night, a bunch of work friends and I went out for dinner. Now usually, I’ll have one or two days in the week where I just don’t count, and where I just eat what I want. Yesterday, I couldn’t help but subconsciously count and tabulate everything I ate. I’m not proud of it, but I even skipped breakfast. Sitting at that table was the worst – I felt as though I was right back where I was a year ago. I ultimately chose to have Pad Thai over salad, but then opted out of a round of drinks. Then I had a mini freak out when I saw how many noodles they loaded onto the plate (restaurant portions are honestly nuts though, aren’t they?). This morning when I woke up I felt so bloated but have been having a good day calorie/emotional wise.

I don’t know how much I ate yesterday but I’m pretty sure I ate at least maintenance, if not more (I binged on some nuts & bolts at work before the dinner). This morning, when I was back in my right mind, I was just so bothered by what had happened yesterday. How could I go back to such dangerous behaviours? What does this mean about my progress in my recovery? I’m really, really hoping it was a one-off but I’m gonna definitely have to keep an eye on my counting and stuff the next few days.

Sorry about the stream-of-consciousness vent but this is truly what`s happening with me and I really wanna be as frank with my blogging as I can be.

[[ MishMash - Broccoli, Green Pepper, Chicken ]]

[[ Imploded Bean Burrito! ]]

I can’t believe Christmas is less than a week away! To be honest, I’m not feeling Christmas-y at all. Mayhap it’s the lack of snow or my mood in general. We’re not really in the spirit at all at home either – not Christmas tree, no Christmas lights and I don’t think we’re doing presents this year ‘cause of lack of funds. I’m not bothered, I’m really just more worried about the food. My rents like to eat, and I don’t want to be stressed for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day dinner. I hate how ED’s drained all my holiday spirit : (

Sorry for such a down and low post. I wasn’t intending for it to be this way; I actually started off on a high note. Blah. Well I’m hoping tomorrow will be a better day. I’m totally going to Rogers and renting a shatload of movies to boost my mood. I had a list (that I lost) of movies I’ve been wanting to see. So far I had:

-          Away We Go (with Maya Rudolph from SNL and Jim from The Office)

-          New York, I Love You (LOVED Paris, Je T’aime)

-          The Departed (again!)

-          Inglorious Basterds (Braaaaad)

Any recommendations? I like all movies : )

Tah for now, loves,

[[ izzyy xoxoxx ]]

[[ PS. Check out the lovely Maggie's giveaway to win yourself some BOUNTIFUL VEGAN cookies! (I'll review the ones I`ve tried in my next post) ]]

That’s How the Cookie Crumbles…

Hello lovelies! Hope your days are going great. First I really wanna thank you guys for your lovely comments. I always get so excited when I see I got a comment on my blog! I know it’s not important to focus on what others think of you and such but not gonna lie, y’all brought a smile to my face. I love this blogging community :)

I had my dreaded 40-percent-of-my-final-mark exam this morning. It went. I think that’s what I’ll leave it at :\ On the plus side, I found out I got a 92% on the essay for that class, so atleast that will offset the awfulness of the exam mark. Hopefully.

This morning started out very, very early. Recently I’ve been getting to sleep a lot longer (usually 7-8 ish, sometimes even 9), which is awesome. Last night I did some (probably unnecessary) late night cramming and ended up getting to bed around 1 AM, falling asleep around 2ish. Then all three of my alarm clocks rang simultaneously 5 hours later at 6 AM. Eek. Not good. I really wasn’t hungry at all so just made a quickie breakfast:

[[ Old Fashioned Oats with cashews, cinnamon and raspberries;; Green/Earl Grey tea;; STUDYING! ]]

We had no more soy milk! So I ended up having it with water. Eek. I missed my creamy, sultry oats. Never again. As you can see, I was attempting some  more last-minute cramming and upon realizing how little I really knew (I had a good 20 pages of SUMMARIZED NOTES), I decided that if I’m gonna fail, I might as well fail in style!

[[ Brown top and white jeans - Forever 21 ;; Shrug sweater - Costa Blanca ;; Black pumps - Urban Behaviour ;; Purple oversized bag - Aldo ;; Glasses - Mama's from the 80s :) ]]

Thankfully, I got a ride this morning cause it was freezing! Like, -20* C with the wind chill. But atleast it was sunny! (Well, once the sun actually rose……………….. :\) By the time I got back home, post-Starbucks run (I love my dad!), it was only 10:30 AM, so I decided to have Breakfast II:

[[ Post Just Bunches cereal ;; Vanilla yoghurt ;; Blueberries ]]

The rest of my day’s been quite uneventful. After so many days of straight cramming, I decided to veg out on the couch. Helped a friend who came to my house frantic with a tech issue, watched some Simpsons and Family Guy, played some Sims 2 (I want Sims 3 so bad but I have like 3 expansion packs for 2! Eff!). I had a really yummy dindin I’ll share with y’all:

[[ Boiled sweet tater ;; Carrots ;; Green pepper ;; Lentils ;; Grilled tofu ;; Chilli powder & garlic powder ]]

Again, sorry about the shit pictures… the sun rises and sets WAY too early… still hunting for my dream (cheapish) DSLR! Also considering a new point-and-shoot…maybe…anyways, I digress…I was going to cook raw kidney beans but ended up effing it and having tinned lentils. No doubt I rinsed those mo-fos like a whore in holy water (shout out TRA!).

One VERY exciting thing happened earlier in the week! I was lucky enough to be picked as a raffle winner in Bountiful Vegan’s monthly draw for signing up for their newsletter. This was a little while ago and I had nearly forgotten that I won until this little diddy came in the mail:

I was going to have one after my exam today but I’m saving it for a Sunday treat instead. I’m thinking I’ll start with Lemon Snickerdoodle (The Harmony Cookie). I’m so rationing those mo-fos…atleast until they start to go stale…at which point  I’m so excited!! So checkout http://www.bountifulvegan.com and sign up for their newsletter and maybe you’ll win too! (Yes, they ship international!)

I actually just realized the only other picture of food on my camera was this:

Presh Larabar. Obviously, this was microwave right after this photo was taken (sans wrapper!). I only have two more left – one more PB&J (FAVE!!) and one Pistachio (never tried it). No doubt those’ll be gone soontimes, but I’ll be trecking out to The Big Carrot again soontimes (fave health food store in the city!) so I’ll try to pick up some more Larbs, and maybe (JUST MAYBE!) some Jocalat bars!! Anyone know if the seasonal Clif bars are available in Canada? I hate our limited selection in everything : (

Tomorrow I’m heading out downtown with one of my besties who I haven’t seen since school started! Excited! I think I’ll study for my major exam this Wednesday tonight (which I’m truly not worried about at all. I’ma ace that shitza). After this Wednesday, I’m finally done the semester! WOOT WINTER BREAK!

Hope you guys and gals are doing great!

Mucho love,

[[ izzyy xoxoxxxxxoxoxoxoxxx ]]

[[ PS. CHOBANI GIVEAWAY! That is all ;) ]]

http://www.bountifulvegan.com

It’s the Most Wonderful? Time of the Year

Hello beautiful people! I hope you’re all doing better than I am. Body wise, I’m not bad. School wise, I’m pretty bad. It’s THAT time of year…exams are a looming and I’m just about over all this work! I have two exams left – one for my elective, which I’m very, very, very, very scared about and thats worth 40% of the final mark (ZOMG) and one for my majors class which I’m not really too concerned about at all since I’ve done well in that class all semester. My elective on the other hand…well, lets just say if I don’t do well on this, I’m effed over. No scholarship for me next year I suspect :(

Back to what this blog is about – FOOD! I’ve had some pretty good food days… yesterday was the last day of class and the day of my horrible final exam for my least favourite class of life. So to celebrate, my friends and I all brought some food supplies and baked! The only thing that came out well was the cupcakes…and they were really good!

I’m surprised at how well I just went at these. I did, however wake up this morning, seeing a bloated face and kind of freak out (I had Chinese for dinner last night…aka SODIUM OVERLOAD). My body is changing but somehow I really am getting better about it all. It’s still a day-to-day thing for me. So much of it is how I feel on the inside, then my feelings manifest themselves in how I see myself. Some days I look in the mirror and see nothing but a relatively thin girl and other days I look in the mirror and see nothing but the F word.

Today is a so-so day.

So this morning I decided I wanted to try the steel cut oats that have been sitting in my pantry for almost a week. They take about 20 minutes to cook so naturally I’m not gonna do this at 6:30 am when I’m already running late cause I need to straighten my hair!

[ Bob's Old Mill Steel-Cut Oats with cinnamon, blueberries and walnuts ]

Honestly, I prefer my old fashioned rolled oats. I’ll still have these some days, but the texture is just too chewy for my liking. Still not as bad as oat bran (tried is again earlier this week – HATED IT!). I thought I could make the progression from instant to rolled to steel cut but I think I’m gonna lag on rolled for a while longer, despite the nutritional benefits of steel cut.

Heres some other random eats for earlier in the week:

[[ Jordan's Organic Granola with dried fruit, blueberries and vanilla yoghurt) ]]

[[ Celery with a hughjass dollop of PB&Co White Chooclate Wonderful and the remainder of my almonds (some are hiding!) ]]

[[ Pumpkin Pie (Old Fashioned) Oats! - canned pumpkin, pumpkin butter, raisins, walnuts, pumpkin pie spice ]]

So I’d been creeping Forever 21’s sale section for quite some time, hoping to grab some steals now that it’s cold and I assume they wanna sell out their summer stuff. Seriously, I LOVE Forever 21, but it’s gotten expensive up here in Canada! It all used to be bargain clothes but now I go in and almost all the tops are $25-$30! OUTTA MY BUDGET! I’ll indulge you in some pictures of mah new clothes:

[[ I'm not pretentious, the sunglasses are new as well and I just love em!! ]]

Not gonna lie, when I looked at some of these pictures, I kinda spazzed about little things. Esspecially my legs/thighs (these are the best pictures of em I could get :\ ). How do they still look f**, even though you’re wearing heels? I’d put that bowl of granola down NOW if I were you. By putting these pics up here, deep down I’m giving ED a big FUCK YOU. You don’t need to say anything, I just wanted to share my new clothes with y’all and quietly shove my new confidence in ED’s face.

If I’m f**, then ED can suck my balls because I ain’t going any way but UP!

Much love, dahlings

[[ izzyy xxxoxoxxo ]]

I’m Ba-ack!

Hello Beautiful People!

How I’ve missed writing here. Sorry for being AWOL for so long… I’m getting into finals at school and my two jobs are keeping me busy. Gotta make the goods before Christmas! I hope you’ve all been fantastic. I’ve been keeping up on your blogs, just not commenting as much or sometimes at all. I can’t wait for break to begin so I can start up!

I have been doing surprisingly well the past few weeks. I still count, and for a little while there, I’ll admit I slipped a little. But I’m back up with my calories and I’m opening myself to more foods! Atleast one or two days in a week (usually when I’m at school/work all day, or just out with friends) I don’t count and just eat what I want, based on hunger. Hunger cues are REALLY hard to figure out for me…has anyone successfully moved from counting to intuitive eating (post recovery)? Tips would be rad.

My health has been getting better to. I got another visit from Aunt Flow (just a few days ago :D) which was great, cause it’s been about two months since her last brief stay. Unfortunately, after two days she was gone again. (Two years ago, I would never have used the work “unfortunately”, haha) My hair is thicker and my nails are REALLY nice! No more flakiness! My bruises from anemia are still there, unfortunately. I’m tired now too, but I think that’s more from over working/exams a coming rather than ED!

For those of you who have days where you don’t count your calories – do you find yourself trying to tally up the calories anyways? Compulsively? I do this, and it just frustrates me. It’s like even though I feel like I’m liberating myself from this disease, he just won’t let me go completely. Bah!

Like I said, school is in full swing and I’m happy to say I’ve gotten my grades up since earlier on in the semester. There’s just two classes I’m not doing as great in (not failing, nowhere near it!). It’s frustrating though, maybe cause I’m a bit of a perfectionist.

As for food, I’ve definitely slacked on picturing them! There have been some epic concoctions made though: the best bowl of Pumpkin Pie Oats happened about a week ago; Chocolate Chip Cookies (the yummy, unhealthy kinds!) also occurred, which were shared with friends as a Monday morning treat; and a helluva lotta variations of Tuna Wraps. Here are a few I managed to capture photographically, though:

[[ Tofu Stir-Fry (with real olive oil and soy sauce!) - the 'Fu; Carrots; Green Pepper; Peanuts ]]

[[ Sorry about  the shit photos - it's been getting dark early resulting in bad lighting! *sigh* A sign of the times... ]]

[[ Morning Glory Oats - Oats; Soya Milk; Raspberries; Almonds; Raisins ]]

[[ Another FuFry! with Sweet Tater Fries - Extra Firm Tofu; Celery; Carrots; Green Pepper; Sweet Tater; with garlic powder, curry and chili powder ]]

[[ Baked Apple stuffed with Oats; PB & Co; Cinnamon...and there was defs something else, but I forgot! ]]

[[ Stolen from the lovely Magdelene, and modified slightly ]]

Also, I tried my uber expensive William-Sonoma Pecan Pumpkin Butter. It’s fantastic! But definitely not worth the $14.50 per tiny jar. I’m currently rationing it, allowing myself 3 servings per week. Blah : ( On another note, is pumpkin butter supposed to be kinda watery? 0__0

Anywho, I’m gonna wrap it up for now. Promise I’ll be back much sooner than last time!

Mucho love,

izzyy xoxoxx